The most prevailing influence anything can
have on the child is the influence of the mother. Hence the mother
is required to develop virtuous morals and character. Don’t
underplay any action of the child even if it seems trivial. You
should be well conscious of the child’s activities within the home
and beyond as well. However, the child should not be aware that he
is under surveillance as this would hamper his natural development
and he won’t be able to come out of himself. Similarly, when you see
something in his possession that was not given by you or his father
or any other relative, make sure you delve into the source of that
item. Some parents wholly believe their children when they claim
they found it on the road or obtained it from a friend. The parents
avoid the trouble of making further enquiries and consider their
duty done. Whereas it is a natural instinct that if a child, Allah
Ta'ala forbid, stole the item he is bound to make such false claims
to protect himself from humiliation. It is also natural that when
the child realizes that his parent or guardian is not very
meticulous about his inquiries then the child is bound to plummet
further into a life of criminality.
Worse than this is when the child is
assisted or encouraged by the parent to engage in theft. Undoubtedly
the child will become more entrenched in this crime and he is bound
to be entangled in a life of vice and criminality.
A Muslim court once handed down sentence to
a thief. As his hand was about to be amputated, he ragingly
addressed the people around him saying: “Before amputating my hand
amputate my mother’s tongue. When I pilfered an egg the very first
time in my life from my neighbour’s house, my mother failed to
admonish me. She didn’t even ask me to return the egg to the
neighbour. In fact, she started chirping in happiness and said: “I
praise the Almighty that today my son has turned out to be a perfect
man.” If my mother didn’t have such a twittering tongue, I wouldn’t
have been a criminal of society today."
An incident pertaining to this topic is
narrated in the books of Hadith. One night, Hadrat ‘Umar (Radhiallaahu
Anhu) was on his usual rounds around Madinah when he came across a
house and overheard the following conversation: “Daughter! Add on a
bit of water to the milk.” On hearing more closely, he realized that
mother and daughter are engaged in a dispute over diluting the milk
with water. Upon the mother asking the daughter to add water, the
daughter replied: “This is an offense. The Caliph has vehemently
forbade such an action.” The mother countered: “Where will the
Caliph be able to see us here?” What a startling response the
daughter offered. She said: “Then where is Allah?” In other words,
Allah Ta’ala is watching us. On hearing this reply, Hadrat ‘Umar (Radhiallaahu
Anhu) returned home, went up to his son ‘Aasim and asked him to
marry this girl. He subsequently married her. From the progeny of
this union a great personality like ‘Umar bin ‘Abdul ‘Azîz was born
– a personality whose achievements can never be forgotten by the
Islâmic world.
On the basis of the aforementioned points we
merely wish to drive home the fact that a mother has dynamic
influence over the child. If the mother is pious the child will also
be inclined to piety and if the mother has mean habits or evil
character then these will surely be conveyed to the child.
How wonderfully a poet puts it when he says:
'The grass that grows in the orchard is very different to the
grass that grows in the jungle.
What hope of excellence can we entertain
from children suckled by deficient women?'
The Sahâbah (Radhiallaahu Anhum) and the
Tâbi‘în (RA) who were holders of exceptional virtues, inherited
these virtues from their mothers. Let us mention a few of them here:
1. Hadrat Zubair bin ‘Awwâm (Radhiallaahu
Anhu) is highly indebted to his mother Hadrat Safiyyah bintu ‘Abdul
Muttalib (Radhiallaahu Anha). She was responsible for moulding his
character and morals.
2. Hadrat ‘Abdullâh, Munzir and ‘Urwah (Radhiallaahu
Anhuma) all the sons of Hadrat Zubair (Radhiallaahu Anhu) were the
harvest of the seeds planted by their mother Hadrat Asmâ bintu Abu
Bakr (Radhiallaahu Anhu). Each one of them turned out to be a
distinctive model of perfection.
3. Hadrat ‘Alî (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was
trained with outstanding morals and wisdom at the hands of his
mother Fâtimah bintu Asad.
4. Hadrat ‘Abdullâh bin J‘afar (Radhiallaahu
Anhu) the most charitable soul of the Arabs and the most moralistic
of the youth was also brought up by his mother Asmâ bintu ‘Umais (Radhiallaahu
Anhu). She shaped him on the outstanding morals and character she
herself possessed.
5. Hadrat Mu‘âwiyah (Radhiallaahu Anhu)
inherited from his mother Hindah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) certain skills
and talents which he was unable to acquire from his father. When
Hindah, his mother, observed his intellectual capabilities during
his childhood and someone said to her that this child will become a
leader of his people, she confidently replied: “May I cry over him
(in other words, may he die) if he fails to become a leader.”
As far as division of responsibility is
concerned, Islâm has placed the bulk of the responsibility of
rearing the children on the shoulders of the parents. They are
required to rear the children in such a manner that they become
proficient in conducting their own responsibilities of life.
So if you want you children to develop the
attributes of personalities like Nûrud-Dîn Zangi, Shaikh ‘Abdul
Qâdir Jaylâni, Maulânâ Muhammad Ilyâs Kândhalwî and Maulânâ Ashraf 'Alî
Thânwî (RA) then you and your husband are required to cast your life
in a profile of religiousness and good morals. Be unstinting in your
endeavours. Together with your plans and strategies ensure that you
make sincere Du‘âs for them as well.
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