The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is
composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them.
Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of
Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control
and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best
possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits.
Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one
perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second
perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third
1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the
husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending
of garments or what is similar to that.
2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving
himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So
therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to
his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick,
pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good
relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of
the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who
are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view
of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded
into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with
over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a
militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and
assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the
Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance
of matters forbidden in the Religion.
6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass
free time with his wife.
7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and
specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins
demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For
example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking
out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the
husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural
disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the
fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights,
then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it
complies with his natural preference.
9. And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there
will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others
personality. And he should also remember that if there are some
characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has
other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
10. Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing
affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are
able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan
is only sexual intercourse.
11. Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for
too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two
of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your
wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like
12. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good
clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is
of course according to the extent of your ability.
13. Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required
for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed,
whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that
causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides
14. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave
matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize
that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination,
without being too harsh or rude about it.
15. The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So
do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of
duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
16. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she
committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For
indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to
raising anger in the hearts of people.
17. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by
staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is
done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her,
beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not
befit an exemplary husband.
18. Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a
praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the
condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at
that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
19. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them
suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with
Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to
remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
20. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters
you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
21. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of
22. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah
has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and
23. Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect
and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition
that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as
intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
24. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of
disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with
25. Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to
your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest
of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
26. When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her,
choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do
not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
27. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of
the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
28. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle.
Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural
service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her
preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
29. There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband
that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free
time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses.
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