MATTERS CONCERNING MARRIAGE (NIKAH)
by Abul Rashid Geloo
As Muslims, we have no choice but to conduct all our affairs
and lives according to the teachings of Islam based on the Al-Qur'aan and Sunnah (Hadith).
If we do not, then we are guilty and questionable to Allah and His beloved
Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu Alayhi Wassalam). In fact, our total success in this world
and the hereafter depends in following the teachings of our beloved Prophet (Salallahu
Alyhi Wassalam). It is therefore very important that we acquaint ourselves
with the necessary knowledge regarding all affairs including Nikah, which is
one of the most important institutions in Islam.
The following are just a few extracts from the
Qur'aan and Hadith which prove the importance of Nikah and the dangers of
delaying or abandoning it.
QUR'ANIC VERSES &
HADITH REGARDING MARRIAGE
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu
Alyhi Wassalam) has said, "O
youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it
lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the
ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him." (Bukhari and
Muslim).
The prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) has also said, "When someone with whose religion and character
you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you
do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." (Tirmidhi)
Allah's
Apostle Muhammad
(sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "O followers of Muhammad! There is none, who has a greater
sense of Ghira (self-respect) than Allah, so He has forbidden that His slave
commits illegal sexual intercourse or His slave girl commits illegal sexual
intercourse. O followers of Muhammad! If you but knew what I know, you would
laugh less and weep more!" (Volume
7, Book 62, Number 148: Narrated 'Aisha)
The Prophet Muhammad
(sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is
responsible (for his wards). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his
subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife
is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is
a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All
of you are guardians and are responsible (for your wards)." (Volume
7, Book 62, Number 116: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar)
The
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) decreed that one should not try to cancel a bargain already agreed upon
between some other persons (by offering a bigger price). And a man should not
ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless
the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand. (Volume 7, Book 62, Number 73: Narrated Ibn
'Umar)
The
Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "Beware of suspicion (about others), as suspicion is the
falsest talk, and do not spy upon each other, and do not listen to the evil talk
of the people about others' affairs, and do not have enmity with one another,
but be brothers. And none should ask for the hand of a girl who is already
engaged to his (Muslim) brother, but one should wait till the first suitor
marries her or leaves her." (Volume
7, Book 62, Number 74: Narrated Abu Huraira)
We
were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's
Apostle
(sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry,
because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private
parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able
to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
(Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4: Narrated
'Abdullah)
Abu
Huraira (Radhiyallahu Anhu) has reported Allah's Messenger (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property,
her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may
your hand be besmeared with dust.
(Book 8, Number
3457)
The
Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after
consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her
permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her
permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)." (Volume
7, Book 62, Number 67: Narrated Abu Huraira)
"It is He who created you from a single
person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love)"
(Surah 7, Al A’raf,
The Heights: 189)
"It is He who created man from water: then
has He established relationships of lineage through marriage:
for Thy Lord has power (over all things)." (Surah 25, Al Furqan,
The Criterion: 54)
"And among His signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy
between your (hearts): verily in that are signs for those who reflect."
(Surah 30, Al Rum,
The Romans: 21)
The
Marriage Process in Islam
Before Marrying
Selecting a Spouse
The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person
is to Islam. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "A
woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or
religiousness (adherence to Islam), so choose a religious woman and you will
prosper." (Muslim) "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her
wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the
religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."(Bukhari) "The whole
world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious
woman. (Muslim)
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as
our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "When someone with whose religion and character
you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you
do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not
be forced to marry one another. Our Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "A
woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than
her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…" (Bukhari
and Muslim)
Rules of Al-Khutbah (Request to marry a woman and the acceptance of the
proposal)
The man has permission to see her face before agreeing to marry as
the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) said, "Go and look at her (the woman you are
considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be
strengthened." (Ahmad)
After a man and woman have agreed to marry, they have to remember that the
man is still not her mahram (men including her father, brothers, sons, maternal
and paternal uncles, and nephews). This means they can not still deal with one
another as partners in anyway (such as shaking hands, gazing at one another,
being alone together, going out together, etc.), or go out with one another as
we see people in the west doing. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam)
said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not have a
private audience with a woman without her mahram." (Ahmad)
The Wedding Ceremony (Nikah)
Components
1 – Consent: ‘Aishah (R) asked the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage.
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes". She
said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her
permission." (Bukhari and Muslim)
2 – The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
wassallam) said, "There is no nikah except with a wallee."
(Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
3 – Two Witnesses:The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said,
"There
is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses." (Sahih -
Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two
witnesses." (Sahih Al-Jaami’)
4 – The Mahr (Dowry): Allah says (what means): "And give to the
women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure
remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any
harm." (Al-Nisa 4:4) The mahr can be of any amount, The Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "Look for one even if it
was an iron ring." (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding,
as is done in some cultures.
Acts to be avoided
We should be careful to not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing
of men and women, wearing tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings,
kissing in public, etc. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said,
"Whoever resembles a people is one of them." (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding
Supporting One’s Wife
The man is responsible for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what
means), "Let the wealthy man spend according to his means; and let
the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to what Allah has given
him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it, and Allah will
grant ease after a hardship." (Al-Talaq 65:7)
Islam even gives women the right to take secretly money from their husbands
if they are not providing for them. Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) and said, "O Messenger of
Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough
provisions except when I take something from him with out his knowledge."
The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "Take what is
reasonably sufficient for you and your children." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Educating One’s Family
Since the man has put in the position of providing for his family, he must
also provide them with the proper Islamic education to keep them from the
hellfire. Allah says (what means), ‘O you who believe! Save yourselves
and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones (that were
worshipped), over it are appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not the
Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded."
(Al-Tahrim 66:6)
Both the husband and wife should make sure their home is a place where Allah
is remembered and His Commandments are reflected and acted upon. The Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "The similitude of a home
in which Allah is remembered and a home in which He is not is like the living
and the dead." (Muslim)
The Wife Obeying Her Husband
A woman must obey her husband as long as he does not tell her to perform any
haraam (unlawful) acts. Allah says (what means), "…the righteous
women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have then
guard." (Al-Nisa 4:34)
Kind Treatment To One’s Wife
Just because Allah has given men a position of authority does not give them
the right to abuse it. They have to treat their wives in the best manner.
Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably." (Al-Nisa
4:19) The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said, "The
believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character, and
the best of them are those whom treat their women the best. (Tirmidhi)
We can see from the seerah (biography) of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
wassallam) that he would help his wives with housework and would engage in
games with them as well.
This article did not cover all aspects of
marriage, but it is hoped that it will be beneficial. May Allah forgive us for
any mistakes we may have made in quoting the above verses and hadith. Ameen
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FURTHER ASPECTS OF MARRIAGE
A common custom among the people nowadays
is for a girl or her parents to refuse a boy's proposal for reasons that the
girl may first finish her high school education, college or some other studies.
In light of the above Ayah and Hadith, what is the Islamic ruling regarding this
attitude? What is the advice for those concerned?
Response:
It is clear beyond the shadow of doubt
that the importance of everything else is next to the importance of getting
married. Getting married is and should be the first priority for everyone of
marriageable age. Therefore, our advice to all young men and young women is to get married quickly
without unnecessary delay.
Do not be too fussy about petty matters. Put your trust in Allah and make your
decision about the boy or girl you wish to marry. You will be guided to the
correct decision, Insha-Allah.
This
is because the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
wassallam) has said,
"O
youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it
lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the
ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him."
The prophet Muhammad (sallallahu
alayhi wassallam) has also said, "When someone with whose religion and character
you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you
do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." (Tirmidhi)
The Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
wassallam) also said,
"Marry
the child-bearing, loving woman for I shall outnumber the peoples by you on the
Day of Resurrection."
This
was recorded by Ahmad and graded sahih by ibn Hibban.
Therefore, there are many
benefits to marriage which the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi
wassallam) alluded to, including
lowering the gaze, protecting the private parts, increasing the numbers of the
Muslim Nation and being saved from great evil and misfortune.
May
Allah grant to all what is best for their religion and worldly lives. He is
All-Hearing, Close.
It is an
important duty and responsibility for the parents to be concerned about finding
suitable matches for their children. Allah knows Best.
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