Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities.
Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was
the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's
Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious
piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to
the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice
in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more
closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her."
you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true,
Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore
those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam
deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist,
yet "if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike
a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good"[s.4;v.19].
Remember also that you are not perfect either.
find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that firstone
relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the
believing women that they should "lower their gaze and guard their
modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments,"
and also that they "should not strike their feet in order to draw
attention to their hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice
a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by
lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions
(which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms),
then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see
a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes,
and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you
get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty
other "just good friends".
simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example,
the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her
clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points,
and don't stress on her weak ones.
after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You
can look all you want ather, set a private investigator to track her
movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic),
yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one
knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are
suitable for each other, except for Allah.
are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious
devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try
ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because
we have no knowledge.
loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is
illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity
to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom.
is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements
that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.
is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet
(s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a
(known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which
affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When you are confused
about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at
of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."
am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence.
We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only
enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect
help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant
when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something
in order to please Him.
wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read
the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their
future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy.
That is not the purpose of this salaat.
results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your
feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may
notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a
wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that
you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is
tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also,
you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided,
and then afterwards follow the results willingly.
Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused
to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer
the matter to Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the
will of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for
help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage. We may seem shocked
at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any
woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows
how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation,
that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.
Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in a dream for three
nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said:
'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face,
lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry
it out' ".
is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes
half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married
for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider
that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children.
Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic
wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so
choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial,
but the beauty of Iman is transcendent.
asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He
has commanded us: "For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore
call upon Him by them"[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is devout,
pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say: "Our Lord, may
our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders
of the righteous"[al-Furqan,74].
cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your
trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability
to help us. Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves
those who put their trust in Him"[s.3;v.159].
Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and
the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves.
my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond
to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also,
with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk
in the right way"[al-Baqarah,v.186].